I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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