My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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