the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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