he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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