also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
