Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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