ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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