You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
