he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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