why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
