I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
