Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
