The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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