i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
