and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
