hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
