I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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