I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
