I have demons in me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
