chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The power of my boobs compel you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
