Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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