respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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