haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
