He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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