I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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