i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
