Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
