There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
