Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
