This is not my ceiling
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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