I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
