u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
