Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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