I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
