She announced her abortion via fbk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
