So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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