it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
