Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
