i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
