even my farts smell like vagina
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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