oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
