Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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