New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
