escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
