Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
