This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I will pee on everything he values.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
