My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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