I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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