speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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