She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
